Category Archives: Humor

Supervolcano Awakening

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Quote of the Day

A long-slumbering “supervolcano” in Italy is getting closer to a potential eruption for the first time since 1538, a new study warns — and the consequences could be catastrophic.

…

If Campi Flegrei were to reenact its largest previous eruption, it would punch molten rock and volcanic gases high into the stratosphere, unleash 100-feet-high (33.5 meters) tsunamis and spread a plume of sulfur and toxic ash that could plunge Earth into global winter for years — killing crops and causing mass extinctions.

Ben Turner
June 19, 2023
Europe’s most dangerous ‘supervolcano’ could be creeping toward eruption, scientists warn

Prepare appropriately.

I want my underground bunker in Idaho.

Of course, then, the Yellowstone supervolcano becomes a threat. I once read that if it were to blow like it did last time all life within a 600-mile circle would be killed. I looked at the distance from the center of the Yellowstone volcano to my property. It is about 325 miles. I should be fine.

Would Just 14 People Been Acceptable?

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TV network slammed for airing a 15-person orgy: ‘I can’t believe this is on’

I wasn’t aware of a social etiquette rule about the number of people at an orgy. So, is a 14-person orgy okay and 15 is not? Who makes these crazy rules anyway?

Democrats Partner with Criminals

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While this is a decent joke (all good jokes have at least a grain of truth in them), at times this has been the literal truth:

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Also, don’t forget, 7 in 10 felons register as Democrats

Via Jenni Conley XX MAGA @reinjenjenni.

7 Reasons Gun Control Will Make Your Family Safer

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Quote of the Day

To help you understand why putting new gun control laws in effect will make you and your family safer, The Babylon Bee has compiled this helpful list.

  1. There were no guns in the Bible: If God thought guns would keep you safe, He would have created them a long time ago and written about them in His Word.
  2. It allows you to trust the government to protect your family: And the government does EVERYTHING well and efficiently!
  3. Firing a gun gives people PTSD, which kills at least 12 million families per year: We’re getting PTSD just writing this article. You don’t want it. Trust us.
  4. There will be less conflict when your kids are taken to be raised by the state: No one will get hurt, and everyone will be better off in the long run!
  5. If you take guns away, all bad guys instantly become good guys: After all, it’s the guns that are evil, not human beings.
  6. If you don’t have a gun, you don’t have to spend money on ammo, and that money can then be used to purchase more COVID masks to protect your family: Forget the threat of crime and violence — everyone knows COVID is the real danger!
  7. Everyone respects laws: Even criminals know it’s best to follow the rules!

See? Gun control isn’t so bad after all!

The Babylon Bee
April 17, 2023
7 Reasons Gun Control Will Make Your Family Safer

You can always count on the Babylon Bee.

Fun Fact

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Via Matthew Bracken @Matt_Bracken:

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I think the holster could stand to be upgraded, but that is indeed a very fun fact.

ATF humor

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Via BigRed:

Little Johnny was in his Kindergarten class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up – fireman, truck driver, salesman. Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, and so the teacher asked him about his father.

“My father’s an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out to the alley with some screaming ****** and take it up the ***.”

The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring in and took little Johnny aside to ask him “Is that really true about your father?”

“No,” said Johnny, “he’s really an atf agent, but I was too embarrassed to say”.

Fake but accurate.

Quote of the day—Larry Correia @monsterhunter45

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Talking about the new brace rules I just had some tough guy on FB tell me “who cares what the ATF says?”

Uh…

Everybody with a flammable house and a non-bulletproof dog should care. This is not an agency known for its calm nuanced approach.

Larry Correia @monsterhunter45
Tweeted on January 13, 2023
[He has a way with words*.

One of the comments included this suggestion:

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I can see that having some merit.

But I’m inclined to think you need an underground bunker with neighbors who can support you from the woods a half mile away. You keep the dog inside because the wolves and grizzlies would eat it instead of the unfriendly visitors camping out on your lawn.—Joe]

* I’m currently listening to his book, #1 in Customer Service The Complete Adventures of Tom Stranger. His humor probably isn’t for everyone but I think it is really funny.

I carry more

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Via Tamera@tacsgc:

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FYI, I carry a .40 S&W with 18 plus one on my belt and a 19 round spare.

Plan appropriately.

Gibbs Calhoun @GibbsCalhoun

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Via Gibbs Calhoun @GibbsCalhoun:

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Quote of the day—Handwaving Freakoutery

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Ladies and gentlemen of the 97 Percent panel, thank you for letting me participate in the conference today as a representative of the gun community. I appreciate and endorse your stated mission of reducing gun deaths in America by conducting original research to identify common ground, to change the conversation around gun safety to include gun owners, and to leverage technology to make our communities safer. All of these goals are goals that the gun community shares with you.

But I must tell you something very important.

I have never heard a more delusional, more dishonest stream of bad faith bullshit as I have just heard. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.

Handwaving Freakoutery
November 18, 2022
Ninety Seven Percent: Epistemic status: gun policy fiction based on that embarrassingly awful 97% zoom call yesterday
[Good fiction humor based on a lot of facts.—Joe]

Truth

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Via Matthew Bracken @Matt_Bracken:

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Quote of the day—Curtis L. Spackleton

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My life was unbearable before I ordered high-quality merchandise from 2ndAmendmentShirts.com. My wife recently left me, I had just gotten fired from my job, I was losing my hair, and I lived in a cardboard box in a sewer. That all began to change just minutes after ordering one T-shirt and one flag. My new wife is much prettier than my previous one. I make $3 million a year despite working only 10 minutes a day from my new home on my own private island. My hair has even grown back thicker than it was before. Thank you, 2ndAmendmentShirts.com – you have saved my life!

Curtis L. Spackleton
Pine Nut, Alabama
A Humorous Introduction to 2AS
[I suspect this may be hyperbola..

After all, who thinks the primary criteria to judge a wife by is how pretty they are?—Joe]

They are doing it wrong

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Really?

The fear of the use of nuclear weapons by Russia against Ukraine looms over the current crisis, but some Ukrainians have found a… creative solution.

A large group of Ukrainians has decided to organize a mass orgy to take place on a hill outside of Kyiv in case Putin does launch a nuclear bomb.

More than 15,000 have already registered on Telegram for the sex party. The mass orgy will take place on a hill outside the city where the participants would be asked to decorate their hands with colored stripes, symbolizing their sexual interests. If you are considering participating – three stripes are for anal sex lovers and four stripes are for oral sex lovers.

That’s pretty messed up as far as I’m concerned. You should stay in your bunkers.

The orgy is after you know you have survived all the firestorms and fallout.

Quote of the day—Shawn

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There is only one outcome: The Supreme Court affirming that there is no right to carry a firearm outside of your home this meaning that there is no right to self-defense outside your home.

In the one in a trillion chance they rule for us the scope will be so narrow it will be rendered worthless and meaningless.

Shawn
April 27, 2021
Comment to Quote of the day—Independent Firearms Owners Association
[This was in in regard to NYS Rifle and Pistol Association V. Superintendent of NYS Police (No. 20-843) which was decided 14 months later on June 23, 2022.

I was pretty sure things were going go conclusively in our favor. I was certain enough that I offered to make a small bet with him. This would have been the first I had made since the one with Caleb back in 2008.

If you wish to stand by the odds given I would like to make a small bet with you.

The offer was silently declined. I really don’t understand why. I was only going to bet a single penny.—Joe]

Quote of the day—Kevin Sorbo @ksorbs

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Politicians should be limited to two terms: 1 in office and 1 in prison.

Kevin Sorbo @ksorbs
Tweeted on June 20, 2022
[This merits serious consideration. In a few rare cases, after completing their term in office, the death penalty is probably too harsh.—Joe]

Worse than a nuke

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There is some truth to this:

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Via Director Dean @PrinzPlaymates.

Not all decades of democratic leadership result in Detroit like results.

But why risk it? Just nuke any city Democrats take over.

Indicator of not trustworthy

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She has a great point:

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Of course, as Gideon J. Tucker said:

No man’s life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.

Therefore, untrustworthy should be your default view of politicians until conclusively proven otherwise, or they are dead, which ever comes last.

Quote of the day—Shirley Johnson @ShirleyJwriter

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It’s too early to argue about penises and guns.
Just enjoy both and remember, if you don’t know what size you need, go rent a few at the gun range to see what fits you the best.
Or ask a friend to try theirs.

Shirley Johnson @ShirleyJwriter
Tweeted April 3, 2022
[While closely related this isn’t an example of Markley’s Law. I’m not certain it was intentional but I found it funny. The follow-up tweet contributed to the humor:

My husband does not like this post. He never goes to the range with me and now I am in trouble.

This in her profile doesn’t hurt, “I don’t need a 38. I need 38DD.”—Joe]

Quote of the day—Jennifer Sensiba 三四八 @JenniferSensiba

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That’s because a AR (that stands for Assault Murder Rifle) shoots bullets so dense and powerful that they can go through anything. They’re illegal in Europe because even CERN can’t make antimatter explosions like that. THINK OF THE CHILDREN

Jennifer Sensiba 三四八 @JenniferSensiba
Tweeted on March 22, 2022
[Perhaps it is a little overdone, but it’s only off in the directness, not in the underlying content.—Joe]