Category Archives: Sex

This tends toward the academic rather than the erotic. But not entirely.

More on Markley’s law

Posted on by

PETA is now promoting the idea that eating chicken will result in a small penis and other problems.

Well sure– If the idea that animals are essentially equal to humans doesn’t stop us from eating animals, then we might as well take the penis angle, because apparently people care more about penises (and sex) than practically anything else. It’s bound to get a few more, uh, members.

This is part of a long term trend. Leftists used to attack people they don’t like by calling us “fags” or “queers” but since they now have to pretend that they’re promoting the rights of homosexuals, they have to turn to other methods of distraction. Hence Markley’s law, and the recent PETA story is part of the same trend of using sex as a cultural/political lever.

A common phrase used back in the 1960s and early ’70s (the Vietnam war period) was “Girls say yes to guys who say no”. It’s an appeal to young, horny men, telling them straight up that they’ll get laid more if they at least pretend to help support the Progressives and the communists.

It’s a common theme among communists, to get the vulnerable young people on board, and sex is a powerful lure. Charles Manson used young women as bait to sucker young males into the group, and Sun Myung Moon, Jim Jones, the Heavens Gate Cult and others in a long line of socialist predators (but I repeat myself) followed very similar tactics. Islamists, we are told, will be treated to a harem of dozens of virgins if they die in the great and glorious jihad (and Allah will be super happy about your killing people too, but seriously; virgins!). They could just as well promote a new scientific study which finds that reading American freedom blogs will result in sexual dysfunction, and so the 72 virgins in heaven might go unsatisfied, and we wouldn’t want THAT to happen would we? If they haven’t done it already, they will.

Nothing changes. PETA has just put a slightly different twist on it, but their new spin has a lot of precedent. It is a good one though, as the left has also been trying to make us fear our food, our water, our air, and our neighbors, and this gimmick hits on at least two fronts.

And so I say to PETA; Good one, guys! Right on! You’re in good company. Keep up the good work. You’re completely insane, sure, but you’re giving it the old college try, you’re learning from your predecessors, and that deserves some respect.

Parenthetically; if animals raised for slaughter are as good and have rights the same as people, then people are no better and have no more rights than animals raised for slaughter, which is the whole point of organizations like PETA even if most of their members are clueless kids just trying to get laid. Remember it.

Quote of the day—Billll

Posted on by

Luring her out to the range to shoot your EBR is all well and good, but when it transpires that you have no ammo due to the national shortage, it begins to look like the old dodge of “running out of gas” at inspiration point.

Billll
August 27, 2013
Comment to Quote of the day—Amber Callipo
[I’ve “lured” women to the range with EBRs on many occasions. But in no case was there a sexual element present on my part that wasn’t established prior to the invitation to the range. I just don’t feel the connection between guns and sex like some people do and tend to be oblivious. That is until the woman makes her intentions clear that, at least for her, there is a connection.

Your mileage may vary.—Joe]

Quote of the day—Pat L.

Posted on by

I used to think I would die from an angry father. Then I thought it would be from an angry husband. Now I just worry about an angry wife.

Pat L.
August 9, 2013
[This was at our high school reunion last night.

I’m pretty sure there is more to this story and that I know what it is but he wasn’t sharing it so I won’t speculate here.—Joe]

You can’t make this stuff up

Posted on by

All I know for certain about this person is they are ignorant, an Android user, and Sitemeter captured their visit to my blog. My hope is that those vectors are orthogonal. Their entry page to my blog is here.

Check out the search phrase, “what is the red spot indicates whether a man is virgin r not”:

Domain Name   (Unknown) 
IP Address   101.223.172.# (Unknown Organization)
ISP   Unknown ISP
Location  
Continent  : Unknown
Country  : Unknown
Lat/Long  : unknown
Language   English en
Operating System   Linux Unknown
Browser   Safari 1.3 Mozilla/5.0 (Linux; U; Android 2.3.6; en-gb; GT-S5360 Build/GINGERBREAD) AppleWebKit/533.1 (KHTML, like Gecko) Version/4.0 Mobile Safari/533.1
Javascript   version 1.5
Monitor  
Resolution  :  320 x 401
Color Depth  :  32 bits
Time of Visit   Aug 6 2013 7:48:46 am
Last Page View   Aug 6 2013 7:48:46 am
Visit Length   0 seconds
Page Views   1
Referring URL   http://www.google.co…in r not&v=133247963
Search Engine   google.co.in
Search Words   what is the red spot indicates whether a man is virgin r not
Visit Entry Page   http://blog.joehuffm…ased-virginity-test/
Visit Exit Page   http://blog.joehuffm…ased-virginity-test/
Out Click    
Time Zone   UTC-1:00
Visitor’s Time   Aug 6 2013 2:48:46 pm
Visit Number   1,738,272

Looking younger

Posted on by

More support for Dr. Joe’s cure for everything:

Dr. David Weeks, a British consultant clinical psychologist and former head of old age psychology at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital, made us blush with his research that claims regular sex can make you look younger. In a new study, Dr. Weeks found that older men and women with an active sex life appeared five to seven years younger than their actual age.

Following the links a bit we arrive at this:

The 59-year-old will tell a British Psychological Society conference today about his research, where he asked men and women questions about their sex lives. He found those who looked younger than their age claimed to have sex an average 50 per cent more – in the 40-to-50 age group equating to three times a week rather than twice.

I found no mention of results similar to that found by my students as to what happens when the frequency is increased to once or more per day. These researchers really need to keep up.

Posted in Sex

Bra stories

Posted on by

Last night Barb L and I were hanging out with a bunch of friends. The woman who, a few months ago, reported breast enlargement after frequent “Dr. Joe’s Cure for Everything” treatments was there. She was telling all her friends, “See! Look at this! I went from an ‘A’ cup to a ‘C’!” “And”, she continued, pointing to her boyfriend, “It’s all because of him!” At first people thought he had paid for a boob job. Nope; It was the continuing application of the treatments advocated by Dr. Joe.

Apparently five minutes of continuous orgasms once a day (she claims, “I didn’t even know that was possible!”) for a few months stimulates enough hormones to dramatically affect breast size. She says she is continuing the treatments and is increasing the frequency of treatments to twice a day. She went on to say, perhaps jokingly, that she anticipates another increase of two cup sizes in a few more months.

Since she gives Dr. Joe partial credit I asked for pictures. This evening I received this picture:

V__03F6

Yeah. Not quite what I was hoping for either.

Entirely by coincidence I stumbled across this blog post yesterday. She references Dressed To Kill: The Link between Breast Cancer and Bras.

She claims:

  • Women who do not wear bras (or rarely ever) have a risk of 1 in 168 chance of developing breast cancer.
  • Women who wear a bra less than 12 hours a day have a 1 in 152 chance of developing breast cancer.
  • Women who wear a bra more than 12 hours a day, but not to sleep have a 1 in 7 chance of developing breast cancer.
  • Women who wear a bra 24 hours a day have a 3 in 4 chance of developing breast cancer.

And of course there are the obvious conclusions that a guy like me would love to endorse but further research on my part turns up this information:

The book’s claim that bras cause breast cancer has been dismissed by the medical and scientific communities; the National Cancer Institute, the American Cancer Society, and the National Institutes of Health have all concluded that there is no link between bra use and breast cancer.

Heavy sigh. I’m probably too honest. I’ve been accused of that before.

Quote of the day—J

Posted on by

Now I want a Windows phone. You’ve done what the marketing department at Microsoft could not.

J
June 12, 2013
[This was in response to my post about “shipping” my exterior ballistics app for Windows Phone.

That’s pretty pleasing because one of the things that weighs heavy on my mind is that, as Barb L., reminded me the night before I submitted the app is that, “This is for people that are really into long range shooting and own a Windows Phone. That’s a pretty small market.”

Totally off topic. I don’t know who ‘J’ is in this context but my first thought was the author of this book. I’m pretty sure the author of that book wouldn’t use this gravatar so I can rule her out.

I remember Larry H. giving me copy of that book when he was finished with it. I was sophomore in high school at the time it opened my eyes about some things. Then my dad found it tucked behind some insulation in the attic and took it away.—Joe]

Quote of the day—Tim Wadsworth

Posted on by

There’s an overall increase in sense of well-being that comes with engaging in sex more frequently, but there’s also this relative aspect to it. Having more sex makes us happy, but thinking we are having more sex than other people makes us even happier.

Tim Wadsworth
April 2013
Keeping up with the Joneses? Having more sex than your friends makes you happier, study finds
[Well duh!

I just hope no tax money was used to do his study. But it's difficult to imagine any private investors sponsoring such a thing so it probably many taken at the point of a gun.

There is in interesting angle about this. People are made happy if they are better off than their neighbors. Or, put another way, people are less happy if their neighbors are better off than them. The progressives/communists prey upon this unhappiness and offer to bring the haves down to the level of the have-nots.

So when the communists get their way and everyone has equal material possessions and people are still not equally happy because of disparate quality or quantity of sex what will they advocate for then? Will people with super model appearances be required to "share" with the "less fortunate"?—Joe]

Quote of the day—Cook’s Helper

Posted on by

Cook: [Pointing to a very well endowed woman’s breast area] You have some soup on your shirt there.

Cook’s Helper: Damn!

Cook’s Helper 2: Would like someone to lick it off for you?

Cook’s Helper: One of my three partners will get to it before you could.

Overheard April 13, 2013
[I have interesting friends.—Joe]

Five year plan?

Posted on by

From Tyler Durden:

Yesterday Senator Tom Harkin introduced S. 544, “a bill to require the President to develop a comprehensive national manufacturing strategy.”

In effect, Senator Harkin wants the President to centrally plan the economy. Never mind that the President has zero experience in business or manufacturing. But hey, this worked out so well for Stalinist Russia, it’s no wonder Mr. Harkin wants to copy that model.

If I were emperor of the U.S. I could come up with a plan that outperform anything the President could accomplish in five years and have it implemented in five days. It’s really simple:

Government shall make no law restricting the free association of people other than a tax on retail sales not to exceed 5% and to enforce contracts freely entered into by people and companies.

All waste products shall be safely contained or returned to the natural environment in such a manner that those people responsible for producer of said waste are willing to build their own homes on, eat, breath, or drink said waste products.

In five years there would so much wealth generated there would be private companies with terraforming Mars, robots bringing mining products back from the asteroid belt, and sex tourists going on vacations to the resorts in low earth orbit.

Dr. Joe’s cure for migraines

Posted on by

H/T to Barron for the email.

There is evidence that Dr. Joe’s Cure for everything works for migraines:

“There’s a [portion] of patients with migraines, about one-third, who experience relief from a migraine attack by sexual activity,” said study researcher Stefan Evers, a neurologist and headache specialist at the University of Münster in Germany.

The researchers aren’t sure why this happens, but hypothesize that the rush of endorphins, the brain’s natural painkillers, during sex may numb the pain of migraines.

Previous confirmation of this were preliminary. These results were based on a larger sample than had previously been reported.

I recommend using Dr. Joe’s cure prophylactically instead of waiting for the onset of symptoms but more tests are needed. Please send me your videos so I can study the issue further.

Posted in Sex

Breast enlargement

Posted on by

I’m not a fan of breast implants. Sure, if there has been disease or injury then I think it’s fine. But I would never encourage a woman in my life to go through such a thing strictly to get bigger boobs.

However I recently received a report on breast enlargement that Dr. Joe approves of. A friend reports that her breasts in middle age and after multiple children were “showing their age”. Although not large they were sagging. A few months ago she started a program of “sexual rehabilitation” after many years of infrequent and, at best, unsatisfying sex. She now reports her breasts are larger and no longer sag. She attributes this to much more frequent and satisfying sex. “Its the hormones!”, she claims. And, no, she isn’t pregnant.

The climax, so to speak, of her rehabilitation came with the winning of an amateur strip contest last Wednesday. She won $100 and got lots of compliments from both women and men.

I was hoping to get before and after pictures to post but I don’t think that is going to happen any time soon.

Posted in Sex

What’s wrong with this picture…

Posted on by

…is what’s wrong with society. You all have gotten some version this spam e-mail, usually from a .ru domain;

“You know, they are so many people in the world, but some of them are alone, because they didn’t find their halfs yet, as it is so hard.
If you are alone and want to find your love, you can write me and we’ll start communicating. I’m alone and looking for a good man, who will give me his love and care. Who knows, maybe we can fill up our lonely hearts with love.”

If you’re looking for someone else to make you whole, you’re looking in the wrong place. If you want to be wanted, if you desire to be desired, if you need to be needed, you are part of the problem.

I cringed when one my many nephews said, right after he’d been divorced within a year or two of being married, that he’d found this other woman, and how great she was, and how they were meant for each other and he knew it because of some mundane coincidence or other. The ink on the divorce papers was still drying. I didn’t know what to say at the time, but he was running from one hell-of-his-own-devising and straight into another.

No, Young Grasshopper; if you’re not whole, or complete already, no one else can make you whole. If you’re searching for someone else to make you whole, you’re looking for love in all the wrong places. You’ll be let down, because getting what you want, the way you want it, is impossible. You’ll feel betrayed, because what you thought you had was something you can never have. This is the stuff of murder, of self destruction and suicide. It’s what’s wrong with our whole society.

Those in government (and gangs) know just enough about this to take advantage of it. We look to them for “salvation” of one kind or another when all they have to offer is entrapment. They want to own you in the same way you want to own someone else, or be owned by someone else. They want you dependent on them in the same way you want to depend on someone else, or you want someone dependent on you. They want you to need them in the same way you need other people, or you want other people to need you. This is the stuff of mass destruction, war and mass death.

That word we throw around so much in America, Independence, I am only just realizing, has a far deeper meaning than I’d previously suspected, and I think it is extremely important.

None of this stuff is new, and so these words aren’t mine. It’s as old as the hills, and yet we fall for this trap over and over.

BIPES

Posted on by

It started when I was a small child. I knew I was somehow different from many of the other children I played with. As I grew older, I sensed the difference – while other boys played football or dreamed about their first car, I’d collect my .22 and some ammo and stroll down to the rifle range on our farm to go plinking. When I became a teenager, my Dad’s gift of a .30-06 triggered a familiar tugging sensation. On my 21st birthday, when I received a Colt Trooper for a birthday present, I knew.

Like many millions of similar unfortunate Americans, I suffer from Ballistically Induced Penis Enlargement Syndrome (BIPES). Endowed with small penises (or in some cases, no penis at all) sufferers of this malady feel a psychological imperative to compensate for penis size by the acquisition of firearms.

Unfortunately, in a liberal world that enthusiastically embraces other sexual identity crises, those with BIPES find themselves the butt of ridicule and mockery. None would dare mock a member of the LGBTQ community – in fact, there are special hate speech laws that provide extra protections for this group. Taxpayer monies are spent to surgically correct the physical configurations of women who want to gain a penis, or men who want to discard a penis.

Yet, within this liberal Utopia of sexual identity empathy, victims of BIPES – a group that outnumbers the LGBTQ community manyfold – and even intersects it in some cases -  are outcasts. How can liberals be so unfeeling? Why does this bigotry against such a widespread, yet innocuous medical condition prevail? No protections exist for hate speech against gun owners, who ironically have the skills and means to act upon violent threats efficiently and effectively, but patiently endure the threats and epithets. The treatment for BIPES victims is heavily taxed, restricted, and constantly threatened with eradication. And if, by some chance, a gun is used in a crime, the entire community is threatened with extinction. If a lesbian commits a sex crime, is there a liberal outcry to ban dildos?

It’s time for the tide to turn. BIPES sufferers need to embrace our affliction and demand our due. With gender-change operations costing tens of thousands of dollars, and the cost for AIDS treatments spiraling upwards, is it too much to ask for BIPES patients to also receive the treatment we so desperately require? With quarterly to yearly treatments, BIPES can be controlled. Many BIPES patients struggle to find funds for treatment. Some go without.  In a nation where every other sexual malady has become a matter of public health concern, with funding available for treatment, the relatively low cost of treating BIPES should not be a concern.

Help treat BIPES, provide us with the treatment we need. Cease the mocking.

End the embarrassment and embrace us in your liberal fold.

A Barrett .50 is worth a year of compensation – please help.

Quote of the day—Ann Tinkham

Posted on by

If Freud were alive today, he just might contend that gun-obsessed guys in America never made it out of the phallic stage. With such a fun plaything, who would want to—right? If you substitute “penis” for “gun” in our national discourse, you’ll understand the gun thing. The right to bear a “gun.” Obama’s not going to take away my “gun.”

…

Gun owners contend that they should have the right to a concealed carry and should be able to stand their ground, in other words, whip it out whenever they feel threatened or whenever they feel like it period. Whip it. Whip it good.

If you’re reading this and you’re filled with indignation, you may just need a high-capacity gun to make up for your shortcomings. In the meantime, I’d recommend some good old fashioned Freudian analysis to move past the phallic stage.

Ann Tinkham
January 23, 2013
Freud and the Right to Bear Arms
H/T to timmytink (@timmytink) who, on January 30, 2013, tweeted:

[It's another Markley’s Law Monday!

Amazingly enough there is a lot more in her blog post. What isn't amazing is that my friendly comment congratulating her on becoming QOTD for a Markley's Law Monday was in moderation for a while then deleted (Reasoned Discoursetm!). Anti-gun people are so predictable. It's no wonder we have names for their behavior. I'll bet evidence of Peterson Syndrome would be easy to find too.

She really gets into the gun equals penis thing. I started wondering if it was penis/gun envy or simple deprivation. It doesn't really matter though. Dr. Joe's cure for everything should solve her problems.—Joe]

Word of the day—compersion

Posted on by

Barb L. and I were chatting with some friends last night and a woman who sometimes teaches classes on various sex techniques used the word compersion in a conversation. I had not heard of it before. The definition is sometimes given as the opposite of jealousy. Or even “a fiery core of passion” at seeing your “significant other” with a lover.

I suppose it is significant that jealousy is a far better known word than its opposite.