Lyle (and I think Meredith) wanted a penis cake. Enjoy.
{Thank you Xenia for the link.}
Category Archives: Sex
Quote of the day–Marty Smith
To hell with the 72 virgins. I don’t want to be a martyr if that’s the case. Give me three good whores.
Marty Smith
June 17, 2006
Overtime sucks
Overtime has both it’s advantages and disadvantages. The increased pay is nice but the extra hours are seldom fun even if you enjoy your work. In this case I’m sure it literally sucks:
BERLIN: Sex workers in Berlin have gone into extra time at the World Cup and are doing double shifts to cash in, a German newspaper said on Wednesday.
“Berlin’s hookers are groaning – all brothels are creaking at the seams,” mass daily Bild reported. “In some establishments the girls already have to put in double shifts owing to the World Cup,” the paper added, saying clients were virtually queuing up to get in to the host nation’s ‘Freudenhauser’ (literally, joy houses). One taxi driver was quoted as saying he had taken a fare from four would-be customers of some of the capital’s estimated 8,000 prostitutes.
“But they were turned away. The places are too full.” German police said last week there were no signs of forced prostitution being on the rise. Be that as it may, with around a million fans having come over for the month-long football showpiece and with prostitution legal in Germany, supply is clearly meeting demand. Bild quoted Josephine Conte of Berlin’s upmarket Bel Ami establishment, one of 400 “joy houses” in the city, as saying demand had gone through the roof and that her employees were having to put in “special shifts.”
She explained: “We have VIP reservations right through to the end of the tournament. Sometimes we don’t know where to put all the men!” According to ‘Joy’, a 21-year-old woman doing the morning shift with seven colleagues, “the guys come for a massage as they want to relax before the game.” But “the guests must be patient with waiting times of up to two hours,” according to Conte. It’s hard work, says another ‘Joy,’ a blonde aged 23 who says she sometimes puts in a 16-hour day, though some of that is on call after a regular shift.
“We are earning as much in one day as we normally would in a week. “But after the World Cup I’ll need a holiday.”
School teacher posts picture of “vagina cake”
A high school teacher posts on his blog a picture of a cake one of his female students decorated as a vagina during menstruation. Only some sort of pervert that would do this, right?
Context is important. It was from Xenia’s anthology. I’m fine with it. Anyone going moonbatty on this guy will get my ridicule (okay, so it’s not that big of a threat).
It’s on video tape but O.J. didn’t do it
I wonder if he was wearing a glove? And if he was, did it fit? O.J. sex video:
LIFE STYLE EXTRA (UK) – A sex tape allegedly starring O.J. Simpson has been leaked onto the internet.
The home movie features a man with more than a passing resemblance to the star and two women.
However, Simpson’s lawyer, Yale Galanter, has branded the tape fake.
He told America’s New York Daily News newspaper “While my client may appear fully clothed in portions of the tape, the man having sex is an impostor.
“This tape is garbage and we can prove it. O.J. wouldn’t do anything like this.”
The man selling the film, David Hans Schmidt, stands by the claim that it is the sporting legend in the movie.
He said: “O.J. is welcome to say that’s not him on the tape, just like he said he didn’t murder Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman but there’s no question in my mind the real O.J. is having sex on this tape.
Following Dr. Joe’s prescription
Dr. Joe’s cure for everything is more sex. It also works as preventative medicine. Jamie Fox uses it to prevent obesity:
Jamie Foxx has sex every day for 30 minutes to keep in shape.
The ‘Ray’ star revealed that daily love making is the best way to stay slim.
He said: “We should all do something for 30 minutes every day to get the heart pumping. I make love to stay in shape.”
Halle Berry likes to kick up a little storm too.
The boldest
I was almost asleep a few minutes ago and the phone rang. Xenia was calling. It must be one of three dire emergencies I thought. Those were, not necessarily in the matter of importance to her: 1) Someone is hurt or is very sick or dead; 2) Her Internet connection is down; 3) Her website is down.
I was wrong. She wanted to know if I had read her Live Journal recently. “How recently?” I had read the posting from yesterday sometime. Nope that wasn’t it. She wanted to know if I had read it in the last 10 minutes. “No, why?” I couldn’t imagine what was so important. She told me she posted the email she got from her English teacher on her anthology that I quoted from the other day.
I was wide awake now. Did I need to immediately drive home and be ready to dance on the English teachers desk with muddy boots when he showed up tomorrow morning? I couldn’t quite tell from Xenia’s tone of voice. It could be she was very happy with what he said and it could be she was smug with the knowledge that someone was going to get what they deserved for trashing the hard work of Daddy’s little girl.
The important part is as follows (emphasis in the original email):
Xenia:
This just may be the most beautiful anthology I’ve ever read.
It is the boldest.
That’s my girl he’s talking about!
Update: This is the teachers blog posting on the topic.
Weekend in Orofino–day one
We drove down to Orofino last night (after my five hour drive from the Seattle area) and checked into the Lodge at River’s Edge. It is, literally, on the rivers edge. This is the view from our balcony:
I looked around at the other balconies, but mine was the only one with a beautiful woman on it.
I didn’t look in the other rooms but my bed had a woman it in. Although I doubt most rooms were furnished as well as this one I was pleased with my good fortune:
It rained today which meant that going for the walk didn’t quite work out as we had planned. We ended up telling housekeeping to go away and not come back and we didn’t leave the motel until almost 1:00 PM.
We drove to the Dent campground to eat our picnic lunch. But the rain hadn’t stopped and the wind was picking up. We ate in the Jeep as the rain came down:
On the way back we stopped at Canyon Creek Campground and walked out to the water’s edge. We saw a trail to go hiking on but it was too wet and we left after taking a few pictures:
We drove back to our motel and then had dinner at the nearby restaurant. Excellent food, the waitress was the daughter of one of our high school classmates (Danny Reed), and we had a wonderful view from our table:
After dinner we went to Lisa’s graduation.
Update: I forgot to add the following picture and explanation. We stopped at the pullout and took some pictures in the road where we first kissed each other–over 30 years ago:
Quote of the day–Xenia Huffman-Scott
Clitorises are the best thing in the world! No other piece of the human body has the SOLE PURPOSE of bringing pleasure. If that’s not the coolest thing ever, I don’t know how you expect to find any sort of sexual happiness in your life.
Xenia Huffman-Scott
Celebration of Ovulation
An anthology Moscow Idaho English period 6.
May 5, 2006
A visit from my girlfriend
Last Wednesday my girlfriend for the last 30+ years, Barbara, flew into SeaTac (I work in the Seattle area) from Idaho. Even with the extra few days together it seemed we didn’t have enough time together or to do the things we wanted to do. We had lunch with HsuanHua on Thursday. I introduced Barb to my work associates on noon Friday. Friday night we went to dinner and a movie (The Da Vinci Code–good, but not as good as the book) with my roommates. Saturday morning we went hiking on Mt. Si then had lunch with Michelle before we drove back home to Moscow together.
And every night we tested out the new sheets I bought for my bed. At 600 threads per inch they are almost like satin sheets without the problems (a small amount of sweat cause satin sheets to stick to your skin). Even at $100 for the set (King size) they are worth it.
Soon, we hope, the visits and the testing of the sheets will be much more frequent.
Red asks questions–Dr. Joe answers them
Red asked a bunch of questions. This post was only after I didn’t answer a much more detailed email from her two days before. It wasn’t that was avoiding the questions it was that I was really busy with some other stuff. I woke up at 3:40 this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep so I decided now was as good a time as any. So here are Dr. Joe’s answers to the publicly available version:
Q: What is sex? Is it the act of intercourse carried to its fullest extent of a man orgasming inside a woman?
A: Technically speaking that should be “ejaculating inside a woman” the orgasm doesn’t really happen inside the woman. But nit-picking aside, in this context it’s called sex if it’s a sexually motivated phenomena or behavior. Hence “phone sex” is still sex even if you are using it as a communication device and not as a toy.Q: Does the man pulling out right before he orgasms count as sex?
A: Yes.Q: Does a man entering a woman once count as sex?
A: Yes. Ask a rape victim. Or imagine what one of your parents would say if their spouse used that argument as a defense against infidelity.Q: Is any penetration of the vagina sex?
A: No. There has to be sexual motivation. Hence the exam at the doctors office probably isn’t sex even though there is penetration.Q: Then that brings up hand jobs. Is that sex?
A: Yes.Q: Does cyber sex count as sex? Does phone sex count as sex?
A: Yes and yes. It’s called sex isn’t it?Q: Does thinking about sex with a man count as sex?
A: Now you have asked a more interesting question! No. This is actually more of the motivation for the phenomena or behavior, not the phenomena or behavior.Q: Where is the line of virginity drawn these days?
A: It probably has always had a little bit of fuzzy definition. But probably the clearest line can be draw with sexual intercourse. Once the male has penetrated the woman’s vagina with his penis, even a small amount, they are no longer virgins.Q: What is cheating?
A: That is going to depend on the rules of the relationship. For some couples having lunch with a member of the appropriate sex with the intention of pursuing a sexual relationship is cheating. For other couples having complete intercourse with everyone at the orgy is not cheating. It’s about breaking rules, not the acts themselves. Those rules are defined by the people involved. Problems can arise when different parties to the relationship are working from different understandings of what the rules are.
The rest of the questions, while important relationship questions, are beyond the scope of Dr. Joe’s expertise (sex). The two things I will tell you are that: 1) you are 21 years old and at that age it is normal to be asking those type of questions; and 2) For the most part you will have to answer them yourself.
Cracking down
I find this amusing. The Puritans in society try to crack down on a victimless crime and the end result is they end up increasing the activity the very activity the were trying to stop. From our neighbors to the north:
TORONTO — A 2005 Supreme Court decision that cleared the way for swingers clubs appears to be bringing out Canada’s more, well, adventurous side.
Those who prefer life closer to the edge of the conjugal bed say the high court’s re-interpretation last December of the definition of indecency has fuelled a growing interest in private clubs that feature group sex, partner swapping, voyeurism and exhibitionism.
…
Five months later, their operators say more aggressive advertising and marketing efforts in the wake of the ruling have attracted significantly more people to their events.
“I think there’s a great opportunity to provide a safe environment where couples can really enhance their sex life,” said Linda Fox, who operates Club Eden in Vancouver.
The same thing happens when there is talk of banning certain types of firearms. The sales of those models and accessories dramatically increase.
Refusing to have sex with Halle Berry
I could see being so nervous/overwhelmed/scared/in-awe/whatever that you have “performance problems” in real life. But Bruce Willis refused to shoot a movie sex scene with Ms. Berry for other reasons:
Willis said: “I get all awkward. She’s beautiful. It’s almost like looking at an eclipse of the sun.
“You have to poke a pin through a card and look at her through that. She’s so stunning you could damage your retina.”
If that was the problem then I think I would just close my eyes and try to manage using Braille or something.
Dr. Joe disapproves
From Mail & Guardian online:
A rash of cases of Malaysian women being tricked into having sex with fraudulent “healers” has prompted a warning from authorities for women to beware of smooth-talking con men.
In the latest case, a 41-year-old woman was tricked into having sex dozens of times with a medium who claimed to be the “Ninth Emperor of the Kingdom of God” and said she was possessed by evil spirits, newspapers reported on Wednesday.
The 52-year-old medium said her domestic and financial problems would be solved with the sex sessions, which took place over seven months at a cost of 20-50 ringgit ($5,50 to $13,85) each, during which he moved into her house.
He was eventually turfed out by the woman’s husband and has threatened to put a curse on the family.
Dr. Joe recommends sex as a cure for everything but this guy was out of line–unless he was hired by the husband in which case the couple is just too stupid be given much sympathy. Even sex doesn’t cure stupidity.
Pushing the technological envelope with teledildonics
It’s sort of “a dirty little secret” but I’m going to tell it anyway. There are certain things that drive technology forward. And, from the viewpoint of many, it’s frequently for the wrong reasons.
War is a huge push. Think of the jet engine, electronics (RADAR, communications, computers for ballistics calculations), rockets, aircraft, ships, photography (spying), optics, satellites, etc. All those because of wartime need.
Business of course is a bad word with some people and that “evil” concept of “profit”. Another big push for technology. Robots, computers, mechanical and electrical power for the factories.
But did you realize what a big push sex was? You certainly know that abstinence doesn’t create a market for new technology.
The first moving image I ever saw on a computer screen was a very simple, two-color image of a woman having sex with a man. I think I may still have that around someplace. The timing of the image was dependent on the speed of the processor and since at the time there was only one clock speed for the IBM PC, 4.77 MHz, it would run at something approaching “Warp 8” on today’s computers.
The push for better image quality (the first color graphics screen, the CGA, only had 16 colors) on the PC was not from conventional business. It was porn. Programmers did some amazing tricks (for example changing the palette between scan lines) to get better pictures of naked women.
It turns out Microsoft spent a lot of time developing Net Meeting (or some such thing, I forget the exact name now) for business needs thinking that major corporations would be their biggest customers. Well… it was “business” that first adopted it and had a lot of feedback for improving the first versions. In fact it was a variation of the “oldest business”, or should I say “oldest profession”, that pushed the early development.
Photography, from the very earliest of days, until the present is technologically pushed by pornography.
And what do you think people used the early VCR’s and video cameras for? It was for porn.
And the logical next step is being worked on right now:
SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) – When America’s top sex researchers gathered recently to discuss the next decade in their field, some envisioned a future in which artificial sex partners could cater to every fantasy.
“What is very likely to be present before 2016 would be a multi-sensual experience of virtual sex,” said Julia Heiman, director of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University, Bloomington.
“There is a possibility of developing erotic materials for yourself that would allow you to create a partner of certain dimensions and qualities, the partner saying certain things in that interaction, certain things happening in that interaction.”
A field dubbed “teledildonics” already allows people at two remote computers to manipulate electronic devices such as a vibrator at the other end for sexual purposes.
“People who use it are just blown away,” said Steve Rhodes, president of Sinulate Entertainment, which has sold thousands of Internet-connected sex devices over the past three years. “This is not something that just the lunatic fringe does.”
“The Iraq war…was kind of a boom for our company.”
Gina Lynn, who writes the “Sex Drive” column for Wired magazine, says she has used and enjoyed the Sinulator and says there is no reason to fear the technology.
…
SEX WITH A PORN STAR
Entrepreneurs are also seeking to fuse explicit video imagery with real-life tactile sensation.
Brad Abram, president of XStream3D Multimedia, said his firm’s “Virtually Jenna,” an online game in which the player has sex with realistic cartoon of porn star Jenna Jameson, can link hardware devices following the action to genitalia.
“None of the big publishers will probably venture in there so we could be like the Hustler or the Playboy or whatever, the Penthouse of adult gaming,” the Vancouver, Canada-based Abram said. “Sex toys is a huge business.”
His service, without the hardware, costs $29.95 a month, and he said several hundred thousand people have tried the online sex game to date. He expects the hardware area of such simulations to grow rapidly.
…
ALL IN THE MIND
Going even a level further, other researchers say in decades to come advanced devices will be able to stimulate the brain to create a sexual experience without manipulating genitalia.
Marvin Minsky, a pioneer in the study of artificial intelligence dating back to 1951, said such devices could either trigger an actual physical response from the brain, or have the entire experience take place in the mind with the sensation of sex — but without the mess or risk of sexually transmitted disease.
“It’s bound to happen … and is not as far off as some people think,” Minsky, a professor emeritus at MIT, said of direct brain manipulation. “They are doing things with monkeys but it is not a big world-class industry yet, so that could take 20-30 years.”
“But if the game (industry) people got involved in some underdeveloped country that didn’t have any laws against it, it could all happen twice as fast.”
Quote of the day–Sara Young & Xenia Huffman-Scott
Xenia: We are going to be gypsies.
Sara: And maybe become lesbians.
Sara Young
Xenia Huffman-Scott
Referring to their plans for when they turn 18 years old.
April 16, 2006
[I’m always entertained by what Sara and Xenia say when they get together. It’s great having such smart kids around.–Joe]
Neal Boortz on the history of the vibrator
More confirmation of Dr. Joe’s cure for everything. The history of the vibrator.
Easiest interview question
Yesterday I arrived at 8:45 and left at 17:40. Nearly nine hours interviewing for a new job. I’m not sure how many people I talked to. In my mind they merged into a blur of coding tests on the white-board. “Write your own version of malloc() and free().” “Implement a function that converts a ASCII string into a floating point number.” “Reverse the order of the words in a string. Do it in place–without allocating more memory.” “Find the first unique character in a string.” “Write the test cases for your code.” “What is the big O of your solution? Can you do it better?” Those are just the ones I remember. My right arm went weak from writing on the white-board for so many hours. I remember the easiest question though. “What gets you up in the morning?” “My wife”, I answered.
Update: I’ve been getting calls and email asking how it went. It went well. Only the smallest of glitches. The 8.5 hours of interviews with eight different people today in a different group was generally easier except for one technical question that I severely crashed and burned on.
And the toughest question yesterday? “Show me a cure for spam email. You have 45 minutes.”
Sexual chemistry
I need to find the actual report or at least other news stories on it but this is a nice teaser on the subject:
WASHINGTON: A new study has revealed the mystery behind lovers getting more sexual satisfaction after intercourse than masturbation.
Following an orgasm, the hormone prolactin is released into the bloodstream in both men and women. The hormone makes one feel satiated by countering the effect of dopamine, which is released during sexual arousal.
Stuart Brody of the University of Paisley, UK, and Tillmann Kriger of the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology in Zurich, measured blood prolactin levels in male and female volunteers who watched erotic films before engaging in masturbation or sexual intercourse to orgasm in the laboratory.
Surprisingly, after orgasm from sexual intercourse, the increase in blood prolactin levels is 400 per cent higher in both sexes compared with after orgasm from masturbation.
This explains why orgasm from intercourse is more satisfying than masturbation, says Brody. Since elevated levels of prolactin have been linked to erectile dysfunction, this may also explain why most men need a recovery period after sex.
I wonder how long it will be before there is a recreational drug on the market that mimics this? I think there is a business opportunity here. I’ve never used a drug, legal or illegal, recreationally. But there certainly are a lot of people that do.
Geek lovers
Via an old friend from Microsoft. A work safe comedy video that probably hits a little “too close to home” for a lot of people I know.