Category Archives: Humor

The one up-side to a Trump win

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I had not thought of this.

I would have thought that they’d have learned from other actors who’d promised to leave us if so-and-so won in previous elections, and then never made good on it. Credibility is apparently not highly regarded among entertainers.

A mass exodus of entertainers would not break my heart. I estimate that the number who actually leave the U.S. and change citizenship over this will be approximately zero, however. Instead of “Let My People Go!” I’m thinking “Leave me alone already. Go, and quit yer damned yappin'”.

To think of the number of hours of my life (to say nothing of the dollars) that have been wasted watching stupid movies, stupid TV, and listening to stupid music…

I wonder if I could find a court somewhere, to take my case of liability for loss-of-productivity against the entertainment industry. Such would be stupid of course, but less so than some of the blather that comes out of the mouths of entertainers.

Trump is certainly no prize, and may turn out to be a disaster. That’ll be hung on our shoulders as American patriots I suppose, though were not the ones who supported the New York Progressive.

Masterful logic

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Barb: (Somewhat sheepishly) I ate a bunch of snacks this afternoon.

Joe: That’s okay. I finished off the cookies Kim gave me. I figured they were making me fat so I had to get rid of them.

Barb: Masterful logic!

Quote of the day—Sean

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I can’t help but imagine the drunken sobbing in the writer’s room for House of Cards. Nothing they could imagine would be as dark and twisty as the current state of politics. HoC has gone from a dark mirror of contemporary politics to a sunny, optimistic take on the subject.

Sean
October 31, 2016
Comment to Quote of the day—Jaime
[At first I thought Sean was exaggerating for dramatic effect. But as I I thought about it more I realized he is probably correct.—Joe]

Quote of the day—Jaime

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The writers did a great job tying the seemingly insignificant Weiner subplot into the season finale. Excellent use of foreshadowing and I’m excited to see what they can come up with next season.

Jaime
October 29, 2016
Comment to Quote of the day—real__world
[This has to be the funniest thing I have read or heard about this election.—Joe]

Meme trolling

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2016 may be the year parody became impossible.

Draft your daughter

Because “equality.” Or something.

It takes trolling to a whole new level. Most bizarre election ever. The “humor” category tag is invoked, but it’s dark, very dark, humor. It’s like a Mobius strip written in LISP, a recursive self-referential redaction of a caricature of reality.

Educated Intelligent Estimation + Intuitive Operation

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(E I E I O). Not to be confused with a WAG (Wild-Ass Guess) which is totally different.

Quote of the day—Larry Correia

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Mr Kuntzman my 10 year old daughter shoots her AR-15 often and she has never shown signs of PTSD so I am assuming she is doing it wrong. Could you look at her picture below and please let us know what she is doing wrong? Is her wrist not limp enough? signed frustrated father

 Little-girl

Dear Frustrated, the answer is simple. Your daughter does not have what it takes to be a reporter for a big New York City paper.

Larry Correia
June 16, 2016
ASK KUNTZMAN!
[This is Larry mocking Gersh Kuntzman who wrote about how terrible the recoil, among other things, is when shooting an AR-15.

Via email from Paul Koning.—Joe]

Misunderstanding them since the beginning

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People have been misunderstanding guns, what they can do, and how they are used since the beginning. And now we have proof. (Gunnies can relate to the Wiz’s face-palm)

crwiz160731

Yes, the King and Rodney represent the ruling class and the useful idiots very well.

Quote of the day—Anonymous UW Student

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Attending the UW $11,859.00 in base tuition a year, going shooting with friends and tossing the empty wiped down ammo boxes in a string of random open waste baskets inside the Comparative History of Ideas Padelford Hall, priceless. There are somethings money can’t buy, but for everything else there’s trolling Marxists in academia.

Anonymous UW Student
July 18, 2016
[I have nothing to add.—Joe]

It may not be a shoulder-thingy…

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… but at least it goes up!

AssaultJack

Continue reading →

Communication

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Sometimes when people are talking they use ordinary words and they assume the other person knows what they mean. Yeah… How hard can it be to grok “all you really need is a 9mm, a couple of clips, and a box of shells?” Continue reading →

Quote of the day—Tam

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In case you were wondering what the dot at the top of the pyramid of Maslow’s Heirarchy was, now you know. You’ve pretty much gotta have the cave bears wiped out and a good handle on what next year’s crop is going to look like before you can start life-flighting frogs.

Tam
June 9, 2016
Froggy Life Flight
[What happened to concern about your carbon footprint? They put more CO2 in the air with the airlifting of the frog than if they had just burned it.—Joe]

Quote of the day—Jeff Cooper

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Indian Country, 1994

Goblin shows up late at hamburger dispensary behaving obnoxiously. Management calls the cops. Cop shows up and challenges goblin, who begins shooting at him. Cop sustains several hits before returning fire and goes down with a broken femur. Goblin runs dry and, bleeding from three wounds, commences to reload. Two Navajos are trying to get their car started on the parking lot. Analyzing the situation, they move in on the goblin and pound him into the pavement, leaving him for dead. They then go back to the car and continue fiddling with it. All manner of cop cars show up, complete with flashing lights. County deputy attorney, who arrives with the cops, approaches the two Navajos and asks if they can use any help. The answer is, “Well, yes. You got a flashlight?” Cops furnish flashlight.

Moral: Always carry a flashlight in Indian country.

Jeff Cooper
Jeff Cooper’s Commentaries
Vol. 2, No. 3, 1 March 1994
[I miss Cooper.—Joe]

Advanced Firearms Nomenclature

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Site; A place, as in “Bob went to the job site” or “Joe spent a lot of time at the Boomershoot site this last weekend.”

Sight; Generally, vision or something you see, as in “Bob lost his sight in one eye while on the job site last year.” In the case particular to firearms; the aiming apparatus (or a part thereof, e.g. “front sight” or “rear sight”) of a firearm as in, “Bob lost the front sight from his rifle at the Boomershoot site last weekend.”

With the release of this secret knowledge, you are now well ahead of many firearms enthusiasts in the highly specialized and esoteric field of study that is firearms nomenclature. You’re welcome.

Overheard on Twitter

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Today on Twitter:

Quote of the day—Black Bullets International

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We Stand behind our products – Because it would be really stupid to stand in front of them.

Black Bullets International
2013
Motto
[I have nothing to add.—Joe]

Reasonable conclusion

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I love humor where someone literally interprets something resulting in a completely different message.

From Steve at work who found it on a Facebook page for police officers and former officers (Steve is the latter):

NoBerettas

Sue knit twill beak wrist missed day

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I heard a song playing the other day, I wrote down the words as best I could, and that’s what I came up with. I don’t know what it means either; something about bells ringing, signifying that, due to an injury inflicted upon a woman by a bird, the time for making textiles had passed, I guess. It doesn’t seem to make sense, but song lyrics are often like that.

Update to car burglary

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Yesterday:

The insurance company called and resolved the details of the claim. I should be getting my compensation any day now. Most of my replacement items are in hand already.

Today:

The responding officer replied to my email asking if the guy the caught on Thursday was involved in my case:

Hi Joe,

I believe the guys caught were not involved in your prowl and I have not heard of any of your property popping up yet but hopefully soon.

Side note:

Ry pointed out the stupidity of attempting to evade a police dog close on your tail:

Crappler319

Anyone who flees on foot when the cops have a dog is a god damned moron.

At that point, you can either go to prison, or go to the hospital and then go to prison. You’re not going to outrun any German Shepherd, and chasing and biting people is literally this specific dog’s favorite thing. Motherfucker loves to bite people. He’s probably spent most of his life, since he was a puppy, being trained to chase and bite motherfuckers. This shit is like the Super Bowl and Grad night all rolled together for him.

You see how he’s pulling on his harness? He’s like “FUCKING, LET ME GO! LET ME BITE HIM! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU I’M A DOG! I’M A DOOOOOOG FUCK YOOOOU! I’M GONNA FUCK YOU UP AS SOON AS HE LETS GO OF ME I SWEAR TO GOD, I SWEAR TO GOD LET ME GO LET ME GO IWANNABITEHIMSOBAD LET ME GO LETMEFUCKINGGOOOOOOOO”

He does that every time, and his handler pretty much NEVER lets him do his thing. And now, this time, miraculously, he has. He’s let go of the harness, and now this majestic beast is at last fulfilling his purpose as a living missile, and my god is he ever thrilled about it.

And you, with your stumpy little human legs, overabundance of slow twitch muscle fibers, and soft, delicate skin, are going to try to run from this 80 lb mass of muscle and enthusiasm with a bear trap on the end? Good luck, you stupid, stupid asshole. I’ll see you in the Timothy Treadwell Memorial Ward for People Who Predictably Had Their Shit Ruined by Large Predators. Shine on, you idiotic diamond.

I laughed so hard my stomach hurt and there were tears running down my face. But maybe that is because for now I have a “special place” in my heart for people who steal things from cars.

Why you should never shoot a gun

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It totally ruins them

Hat tip; Uncle

That’s what I envision whenever people speak of shooting their guns. Why would you even think of shooting a perfectly good gun on purpose?

I fire mine a lot, I’ve shot a few deer and a lot of cans and bottles and other things, but I’ve never shot a gun.

It may annoy some people, but I find the fact that words mean things to be both convenient and comforting. If I seem over-zealous at times, that is the reason why– I LIKE words to mean things, and I like them to mean the same things in the future as they did in the past. The trend of course is something else.