Quote of the day—Curtis L. Spackleton

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My life was unbearable before I ordered high-quality merchandise from 2ndAmendmentShirts.com. My wife recently left me, I had just gotten fired from my job, I was losing my hair, and I lived in a cardboard box in a sewer. That all began to change just minutes after ordering one T-shirt and one flag. My new wife is much prettier than my previous one. I make $3 million a year despite working only 10 minutes a day from my new home on my own private island. My hair has even grown back thicker than it was before. Thank you, 2ndAmendmentShirts.com – you have saved my life!

Curtis L. Spackleton
Pine Nut, Alabama
A Humorous Introduction to 2AS
[I suspect this may be hyperbola..

After all, who thinks the primary criteria to judge a wife by is how pretty they are?—Joe]

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7 thoughts on “Quote of the day—Curtis L. Spackleton”

  1. I suspect it may be hyperbole. (2nd Amendment shirts are not hyperbola, they are parabola, as in 9mm parabellum.)

    As for the rest of the assertions: I’ll believe it when I see a photo of the beautiful new wife, wrapped in the new flag, on the beautiful private island. (I’ll take the new head of hair on faith.)

  3. Not Carl Spackler?

    Well, if your wife bugs out on you because you are losing your hair and just recently lost your job, it is natural to want a new wife to show her she made a mistake, and what better criteria than what she would use on other women?

    But yes, Hyperbole or Hyperbola or Hyperion. To misquote Casca in Julius Caesar, It is all Greek to me.

  4. He might find a great new career as a Russian or Biden propagandist. “Since the invasion we have increased our wheat production by 1200% and have seized all Ukranian assets.” “Gas prices have dropped precipitously in the last 10 minutes, since I was elected.”

  5. I can’t prove the story wrong, so therefore it must be considered settled science.

    • I can’t prove the story wrong, but a growing plurality of research is coming out calling both its data and conclusions into question for being fundamentally flawed … so therefore it must be considered “Settled-er Science [TM]”.

  6. “After all, who thinks the primary criteria to judge a wife by is how pretty they are?—Joe]”

    It is my understanding that this is the standard applied for judging other men’s wives.

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