Sometimes when I read the news I think I’m back in jr. High school. This time it feels like fourth grade elementary. When I was in fourth grade, I observed a girl enjoying some canned cherries during lunch. Unable, for whatever reason, to leave her in peace to enjoy her cherries, I walked close to her and said in a low voice; “You’re eating cow guts”.
Apparently this caused her to lose her appetite, and she was distressed enough to tell the teacher, who later called me on it.
Fast-forward to adulthood. Today if you’re enjoying a hamburger, you hear from the food Nazis; “That’ll clog your arteries, contribute to deforestation in South America and pollute the atmosphere with methane (cow farts).” You’re enjoying a smoke; “That’ll give you cancer and cause kids to have health problems, and you’re supporting Big Corporations that are trying to keep you addicted and kill you for profit.” You’re having a soda; “All that sugar will detonate your pancreas and make you fat.” You’re having a diet soda; “Those artificial sweeteners will give you cancer.”
“That car of yours is going to destroy the planet, you filthy planet killer you.”
“Unsafe at any speed” etc., etc., “That salad you’re eating is full of pesticides and that stuff was grown on corporate, industrial farms that have no regard for the planet…” etc., etc., etc. It never ends, and if you’re resistant to this crap, congratulations, if you can avoid getting the “Swine Flu” which happens to be just like any normal, run-of-the-mill flu, but ZOMG we’re all gonna dieeee!
Today’s reason not to enjoy yourself is that your candlelit dinner is going to give you cancer. So quit enjoying yourself (you selfish twit) be afraid, and call your Congressman to demand something be done about “Big Candle” before the children all die and the puppies all get cancer just so someone can enjoy a nice candlelit dinner while people in (insert country) are starving.
And you leftists think you’re all about rights and freedom and privacy and stuff. I’m gonna tell the teacher on you.
I found a reference to this candle scare on Rush Limbaugh’s site (and there are some great comments at the Washington Times article on the subject) while looking for the fantastic quotes he found regarding Death Panels. More on that later.
Someone is actually spending money and time to research candle pollution. Wow. Like no one knew that burning things releases combustion products into the air. I find that the phrase, “too much free time” tends to spring to mind.