Via Tamera@tacsgc:
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If someone leaves their phone unlocked and unattended at a bar, do this.
I would just reply; You didn’t axe him down to chunks first? Did I, or did I not tell you to do that? You damage those blades Pa is going to have your ass!
Just pull him out and feed him to the hogs, dipshit.
Gotta be a little more specific so the receiver knows EXACTLY what you are texting about. Like this:
“The fat one won’t fit in the woodchipper. Even after putting him in the freezer and then dismembering with the chainsaw. Should have rented the larger machine.”
Keep him locked up but stop feeding him until he slims down. Let him have water; if he dies from dehydration, he can’t climb into the chipper under his own power. You took the money out of his wallet before you shredded it, right? And make this one empty his own crap bucket, you idiot.