Adventures in online dating

This is the weirdest response to my profile yet. I didn’t view them or contact them in any way. Yet this is the message I got:

Subject: Your a moran GET OFF MY PROFILE U TWIT….

10:34 PM on 9/22/2012


My profile is probably a little “different” but I’m pretty sure someone was off their meds when they wrote the above.

My profile:

A little about me…

Update: I’m going to leave my profile active for a while and probably will eventually answer messages but I think I have found my match.


Extremely patient, gentle, generous, quiet, and kind. And I admire myself for my modesty. 🙂

I spend a lot of time on my blog and am involved in civil rights activism. Libertarian is the closest description of my politics. I’m a certified firearms instructor but my career is writing software.

I like women with strong personalities. Think “Sarah Conner” from the second Terminator movie. That’s an exaggeration but it should illustrate the point.

Long walks on the beach are nice–if we brought the explosives to see how big a crater we can make in the sand and how high the water will shoot up into the air.

The adventures I create for other people are written up in magazines, newspapers, and documented on TV shows. And that is just what I do in public.

I push limits and have adventures most people have never imagined. Many people consider me the most interesting person they know. Life is never boring with me.

About the one I’m looking for…

I’ve thought that I would like a harem of super models with a mean IQ of 150 and a minimum of 130. But I’m pretty certain drawing a square circle using a unicorn horn is more likely. Also, taking care of more than one woman is probably beyond my ability so, upon further reflection, I have decided I’ll just have a more conventional relationship.

Must be smart, sane, and rational. My wife of 36 years lacked the last two.

Must live close (less than 20 miles, 5 would be better). I’m not interested in a long distance relationship.

Must like to cuddle and have long conversations in bed on a variety of topics. Must have a strong sex drive, somewhat adventuresome in bed, and comfortable in the nude.

Bonus points for being 5′ 10″ or more in height. Lost points for tattoos and/or piercings.

I’d just like to add…

I hope to find someone who likes hiking in the woods and mountains. Good physical condition would be a big plus.

Although I am generous I won’t fund shopping sprees for trinkets and frilly clothes. I’m a very practical and functional sort of person. But I would pay for a class on rappelling, defensive knife, or shooting a handgun faster and more accurately.

5 thoughts on “Adventures in online dating

  1. Joe, you’re an engineer, so you must know of the Principle of Parsimony: the best process is the one which does the required task with the least effort (time, money, etc).

    It look as though you might have violated the Principle of Parsimony here.

    “Dude, TMI”

  2. That’s a pretty benign profile. I guess some people have to vent their hate somewhere, so why not vent upon you? Obviously you can handle it, so…

  3. To be generous, she may have gotten you mixed up with someone else. I’m not sure
    how the interface works for this sort of thing. In any case, deduct extra points.

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