Dear Hillary: Please Pander To Disabled Voters. You’re One Of Us.

The following is an open letter to Hillary Clinton from Stephanie:

Dear Hillary Clinton,

You cater to woman voters. Because you are a woman.
Why not pander to disabled voters? You seem awfully disabled.

Your team of medical professionals, armed security guards, and even a bollard can no longer prop you up without you still taking a fall.


Seize the moment, Hillary. Please come out of the disabled closet. Ease our concerns about you falling: we urge you to use a cane, walker, or wheelchair.

Given your health history, you’re going to to keep toppling, again and again, whether you like it or not. You are, what they call, a fall risk.

That means when you were hospitalized 2012/2013 for taking a tumble, the hospital made you wear a bright yellow wristband emblazoned with, “FALL RISK”.


Those brandishing bands are standard hospital protocol, whether you’re a patient in a private, lavish hospital/hotel room at New York Presbyterian Hospital on the VIP floor (like you were a few years ago) or a patient-sufferer at Cook County Hospital in Chicago. It’s all the same.

You’re no longer an asset, Hillary, but are a tripping liability. The un-eraseable, un-wipeable truth about you is eternally stored in The System records. Everyone knows you’ll forever be a bright yellow wristband.

So embrace it!

Look, I know how it feels to overcome the stigma of using a cane, walker, or wheelchair. I started using a cane in my twenties; was prescribed a walker in my thirties. Now, in my forties, I sometimes use a wheelchair. Who cares?

You’re way older than me, and more than ready for at least a cane.

Hillary, you’re accustomed to an aid always at your side. A cane is essentially the same, but it’s a durable medical device, though you might have to pay out of pantsuit pocket for it.

Hillary, let go of the shame. An independent woman need not lean on a staff of 10-20 mostly men to prop her up.

Hillary, you can do it! Grab a cane! Rock a walker! You’d even look great in a wheelchair, I swear.

Be brave! Be bold!

Be logical: save taxpayer money by letting go of your hordes of health handlers. Reclaim your independence!

Join us, Hillary!

Stand together with We, Thee Disabled, who do not have private traveling doctors or nurses surrounding us, as you do.

Hillary, please, stand beside We, Thee Disabled, even though we don’t have armed security like you do, 24/7. Boo-hoo for us; lucky for you.

But good news: lots of us cripples carry concealed guns for self-defense, being that we’re such easy targets for thugs. Whatever you do, Hillary, please don’t disarm the disabled.

The point is, Hillary, you have so much going for you, what have you got to lose?

This is the perfect time to seize the moment, and, rather than hide your health woes, please grab a cane, step forward, and stand together.

Are you with us?

Stephanie Sailor


5 thoughts on “Dear Hillary: Please Pander To Disabled Voters. You’re One Of Us.

  1. Hmmm… Too long for an Onion article, and the National Enquirer would never say “unerasable” so it must be legit!

  2. Hillary, harken back to a great Democrat of yore: Franklin Delanore Roosevelt.

    He rocked a wheelchair.

    He also greatly expanded the federal government and took a lot of executive actions that actually prolonged the Great Depression, but hey, at this point, what difference does it make? The point is he Did Something, probably For The Children.

    He also interned a whole lot of Americans of Japanese extraction in concentration camps, which, if we’re going to be honest, that’s the kind of thing you’re going to have to do with those recalcitrant Les DĂ©plorables, n’est-ce pas? There’s nothing else you can do.

    • She had been, it is reported, while in the White House, communicating with the shade of Eleanor Roosevelt.
      Isn’t it time she start communicating with the shade of her husband Franklin?

  3. Since Hillary speaks for the “minorities” and “the oppressed”, she’d surely fit neatly into the “disabled” basket.

    But wait! It’s not cool to be a cripple.

    I’d love to see Hillary openly use a piece of medical equipment/assistive device for walking, other than leaning on — and hiding behind — her posse of Secret Service + others.

    Perhaps I’ll mail her a walking cane.

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