The insurance company called and resolved the details of the claim. I should be getting my compensation any day now. Most of my replacement items are in hand already.
The responding officer replied to my email asking if the guy the caught on Thursday was involved in my case:
I believe the guys caught were not involved in your prowl and I have not heard of any of your property popping up yet but hopefully soon.
Anyone who flees on foot when the cops have a dog is a god damned moron.
At that point, you can either go to prison, or go to the hospital and then go to prison. You’re not going to outrun any German Shepherd, and chasing and biting people is literally this specific dog’s favorite thing. Motherfucker loves to bite people. He’s probably spent most of his life, since he was a puppy, being trained to chase and bite motherfuckers. This shit is like the Super Bowl and Grad night all rolled together for him.
You see how he’s pulling on his harness? He’s like “FUCKING, LET ME GO! LET ME BITE HIM! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU I’M A DOG! I’M A DOOOOOOG FUCK YOOOOU! I’M GONNA FUCK YOU UP AS SOON AS HE LETS GO OF ME I SWEAR TO GOD, I SWEAR TO GOD LET ME GO LET ME GO IWANNABITEHIMSOBAD LET ME GO LETMEFUCKINGGOOOOOOOO”
He does that every time, and his handler pretty much NEVER lets him do his thing. And now, this time, miraculously, he has. He’s let go of the harness, and now this majestic beast is at last fulfilling his purpose as a living missile, and my god is he ever thrilled about it.
And you, with your stumpy little human legs, overabundance of slow twitch muscle fibers, and soft, delicate skin, are going to try to run from this 80 lb mass of muscle and enthusiasm with a bear trap on the end? Good luck, you stupid, stupid asshole. I’ll see you in the Timothy Treadwell Memorial Ward for People Who Predictably Had Their Shit Ruined by Large Predators. Shine on, you idiotic diamond.
I laughed so hard my stomach hurt and there were tears running down my face. But maybe that is because for now I have a “special place” in my heart for people who steal things from cars.