I think I understand now

As I was unpacking at my new clock tower* Barb L. encouraged me to throw out old clothes. She told me, “A general rule is that if you haven’t worn it in over a year it’s time to let it go.”

I went to the closet and pulled out a sweatshirt. I told her, “I use a different rule than you. I bought this 40 years ago last month and I haven’t worn it in at least 20 years. I don’t plan on throwing it away.” She seemed to understand the new rule and there were no further discussions about it.

But then a while later she told me, “Okay. I’m going to take a picture of all your hats, gloves, and t-shirts. Then I’m going to post them on your blog and tell everyone to not give you any more.” “Why?”, I asked. She gave me a look that seemed like she was about to burst into some incredible snark but was exercising extraordinary restraint and said nothing. Women. You are supposed to “communicate” with them then they don’t talk even when you ask them questions. Whatever.

That was a couple days ago. Today I finished unpacking all my clothes and was thinking about what she had said. I decided I might be able to figure out what she was talking about if I spread the items out and took the picture myself. Here is a picture of some of my hats:


I think I understand now. She wants to be the one to give me new hats so I can express genuine pleasure at getting a new one rather than a duplicate of existing one.

* The view from the Clock Tower at my “neighbors” over two miles away through a 6X scope looks something like this:



30 thoughts on “I think I understand now

  1. Some people have this notion that there is a maximum number of hats a person should own. These people are clearly mistaken, as there is no such thing as too many hats, provided they are not duplicates.

    By the way, you need more hats.

    • While I don’t disagree with your conclusion you don’t see the hats in the back of my vehicle or at Boomershoot Mecca.

      • It’s not that you need more hats, it’s just that you have not found quite the right one yet. But, if you don’t keep the old ones around for comparison and camo (which hat is camo depends on where you are, er, headed), then you can’t really be sure if the new hat is “the one.”

      • Let me rephrase Rolf: It’s not that you need more hats, it’s that you need more heads. If you had ten or twenty heads, this wouldn’t be nearly enough hats.

        Of course, then you really would be a mythological beast!

    • Valid point. But you have made an understandable error. What appears to be a single black hat is actually three nearly identical hats stacked on top of each other.

  2. Well, you need a straw hat for summer, a warm hat for winter, a hat that looks nice for formal occasions, ball caps for the range (so they don’t interfere with hearing protectors, and keep stray brass from falling behind your glasses), light colored ones for sunny days, dark ones for cool, brisk, fall and spring days, and … spares for all the above, in case you lose one. That makes at least ten. Then you can’t throw the old ones away – they must be saved for scarecrows and Halloween costumes. Perhaps a spare ball-cap loaner or two for the newbie on his first range trip.

    I guess that is a good start. But anything above that minimum should be really cool or really have sentimental value.

  3. When was your clock tower built? How often does that area get earthquakes? Power outages?

    • Date of construction is restricted information.

      It’s in the Seattle area. Often enough that I have experienced three earthquakes while living here about 25 years.

      Not many. And I have uninterruptable power supplies for my computers.

      Why do you ask?

      • I’m not crazy about high rise buildings in earthquake-prone areas. Certain types of construction hold up better than others in earthquakes. (Era of construction would give me a clue as to how it’s likely built: brick, steel, wood, precast concrete, etc.)

        It looks like you’re high up (many floors). No power, no elevators.

        • Don’t worry about it. Your chances of moving in with me are extremely small. I probably will only be sharing the address with about a dozen people and you aren’t on the list.

          It survived more than one earthquake already. I think it probably will be fine unless we get something much stronger than anything in the past 40 years.

          There are no elevators here anyway. Stairs only. Getting the gun safes up was less than fun.

  4. Joe,
    Before you answer the question of how many do you need you need to look in her shoe collection or purse collection – no that I am trying to start a fight between you two but that has always ended the discussion when I lady friend asks me how many of anything I “need”.

      • A “normal number” would be 90. Because a “normal angle” in geometry is perpendicular, or 90 degrees. So… You need another sixty-odd hats, caps, and other head-coverings just to keep up.

        • Eh, that depends. Since she advocates throwing out anything you haven’t worn in a year, she doesn’t have 90 pairs of shoes. 50 maybe, but not 90.

          • I’ve got 39 pairs of shoes, and that does include 5 pairs of boots and two pair of heels. So 39 is the new “normal?” And 5 handbags. Now let’s begin counting t-shirts…. 🙂

          • Ha! I was kind of close… You have to figure women need at least one pair in every color, plus several in the basic colors (black, tan, brown, white), heels, sneakers, sandals, boots…. It’s pretty easy to get up to 40 or 50 pairs. In addition, sometimes you need one special pair of shoes to go with one special outfit… 🙂 Men just don’t understand. I like t-shirts too — and sweaters. Don’t forget sweaters! 😉

          • You were scary close (“maybe 50” versus the actual count of 46). We were both amazed. Good job!

          • I stand corrected on the count. Barb quietly pointed out to me that the “5 pairs of boots and two pair of heels” is included in the 39.

            Sorry about that.

  5. We will need an address to send new hats / caps for your collection? She thinks you don’t have enough now, wait until we get done with you!

    • She predicted this! And we just had a good laugh over lunch about your comment.

      8512 122nd Ave NE #6
      Kirkland, WA 98033

      She also wants to pick up my mail for me.

      • I was thinking about running an exchange program of five caps returned for each cap received. The biggest barrier to my benevolent exchange program now is that the caps might end up in the gun safe.

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