My Doctor’s an idiot. A few years ago, he started expressing concerns about my weight, pointing at this chart supposedly showing how much a man of my height should weigh. One glance at his stupid chart and it was clear to me that he had completely misdiagnosed my condition. There was nothing wrong with my weight, I just wasn’t tall enough. Clearly I needed to grow my way out of this. So I went home and googled “how to stimulate growth.” Once I got past the all the baldness cures and penis pumps (it’s not my bag, baby), I found hundreds of papers so incredibly boring I knew they had to be true. In no time, I was able to design and implement my own stimulus plan based on the irrefutable scientificky principles of Nobel prize winners and other people so smart they never had to do an honest day’s work in their lives. Despite the difficulty climbing stairs, I was feeling pretty good about things until my last check-up….
“Hi,” he said, examining my file. He looked up, “You’ve put on twenty pounds since the last time I saw you”
“Thanks for noticing,” I beamed.
He frowned. “I remember now. You’re the guy on the diet designed to make you grow. What’s that called again?”
“The Keynesian Plan.”
August 31, 2012
Gold Is A Barbeque Relish
[Read the whole thing.—Joe]