School Shooting Season

This time of year our school shooting team gets together, I bring several guns into our local school and teach the kids how best to participate in school shootings.  This year I had 15 boys and girls in class – a pretty good percentage of the total enrollment in our small town high school.

As part of the class, which consists in large part of excerpts from the NRA Basic Home Firearm Safety course, I ask them to state some of the various reasons one might own firearms.  One of the girls chimed in with, “Space alien invasion?!”

I like these kids.  I didn’t bother to point out that their puny, crude, chemically powered kinetic energy weapons would be no match for the phase modulated space-time disrupters of the enemy.

Earlier, I had asked my daughter if she planned to join the trap shooting team this year, but she declined.  After last night’s class, she asked me how it went, and now I get the impression that she is having second thoughts;  “But I can’t shoot well enough.”
“Well, you know I can teach you, and you’ll be as good as most of the others after one day…”
“But now it’s too late.”  Which it is– they need to have already passed their hunter safety class.

So next year I figure she’ll be right in there.  We’ll see.  Several of her friends are already avid participants in mass school shootings (some of the meets involve well over a hundred shooters, from several school districts).  I bet you don’t see those trap meets covered in your local news station sports reports, do you?

ETA; The kids seemed to respond well to the variation; “Keep your booger hook off the bang switch”.  I associate it with Uncle, but I don’t know for sure where it originated.

13 thoughts on “School Shooting Season

  1. School Shooting Season – makes it sound like we can expect people to start shooting up schools any time now.

    Booger Hook – First I ever saw that, it was at Lawdog’s site.

  2. What!!!!!! And no mass shootings broke out!?!?!?! How can this be? “Everybody” know kids and guns dont mix. I hope my sarcasm is showing.

    I can still remember when my dad would give a gun safety “course” when I was in the YMCA. He started out with a blanket on a table covering various to be determined items. As I remember out would come a screwdriver, then a hammer, next a rolling pin. Each time he would ask what each item was used for. After 4 or 5 household items, but with other things still covered he would ask what they all had in common.It didnt take long for a bunch of pre adolescent boy to figure out you could hurt someone with all the items uncovered so far. Then he uncovered the guns and asked again. After a talk about not playing with things you shouldnt, he proceded to demonstrate how to check to see if a firearm was loaded, the the 4 rules etc. Funny, come to think of it, there was no shootings that night either.

    Enjoy your class and pupils, hope your daughter makes it next year. There is nothing like turning your first bird to clay dust. She will love it.


  3. I saw it first in a list of the four rules converted to redneck. #1 Of course the dang thing is loaded. And #3 Keep your booger hook off the bang switch until your ready to light one off. I don’t remember the other two and I can’t find a link to them.

  4. It’s always great to see kids being involved.

    I remember when my father took me out to the range when I was 8 and taught me to shoot with a .22. He gave me a very important speech about being the “man of the house” and responsibility. I still remember the 4 rules I was taught that day.

  5. ROFLMAO just thinking about what that post title (and the whole post) must do to the mis-wired circuits in Joan Peterson’s head.

  6. “Several of her friends are already avid participants in mass school shootings”

    Perfect [out of context] quote of the day.

  7. I got the impression from Kim du Toit’s blog and forum that it came from R. Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket.

    Maybe there could be a competition:
    “Many school district officials are pleased about the increased attendance at mass school shootings in their districts over the last few years.”

  8. Windy. That headline makes perfect sense. My wife is a music teacher, and as such has participated in several “mass band” events. That’s exatly what they call them.

  9. Keep your booger hook off the bang switch really brought the four rules home for my 10 year old son. He liked it, repeated it, and it led him to learning, and following the other three also. He keeps trying to find suitable (attractive to a preteen boy) reinterpretations of the other rules.

    Back in the ’60s we had a career day in my 5th grade class at school. The teacher arranged for a police officer, a fireman, an engineer and a doctor to come talk to us about their careers.

    The engineer, then doctor, then fireman each told us about their jobs, their education, etc. Then it was the cops turn. When he neared the end of his talk he asked if we had any questions. He got a couple softball questions along the line of “Have you ever had to arrest your wife?”, or “Have you ever had to shoot anyone?” then one boy asked “Can I see your gun?”

    The officer was caught off guard. He hemmed and hawed for a moment, then looked at the teacher, who shugged. He inhaled deeply then said “ok, I will let you…” He was cut off by the roar of voices, pounding feet and desks being shoved out of the way as the entire class tried to get to the front of the line at was immediately forming up in front of him. The office took a step back, and started yelling. He finally got us all to sit back down and be quiet. Then he went through his version of gun safety – which in a long rambling way eventually could have been boiled down to the four laws.

    Then he moved over behind the teachers desk, removed his revolver from its holster, then removed his belt and holster, placed them in a desk drawer, then he unloaded the revolver, and placed the six 38 special rounds in the drawer with the belt. He walked around the desk carrying the open revolver with him and told us to orderly line up.

    After a couple minutes of renewed roaring, shoving desks, shoving each other and lots of talking and arguing the whole class got lined up. First in line were – the teacher, the fireman and the doctor. The engineer declined claiming he had the same gun at home and didn’t need to see that one.

    Then one at a time that officer took almost two hours (we missed history, math and recess that day) and showed each one of us individually how to open and close the cylinder. How the gun worked single and double action. And how to hold it in order to shoot it (tea cup grip). Then he let each one of us dry fire it into the trash can.

    Every kid who was in line and those who had taken their turn watched everything he did and said, mostly to make sure that no one else got to do more, or try something that they rest of us didn’t.

    To this day that incedent amazes me. This was South Dakota, in the late ’60s. Most kids Dads hunted and most of us had gone with them. Yet, for most of my classmates that was the first time they had ever touched a gun. Additionally could you immagine if a police officer tried that in today’s schools? Especially here in Kalifornia?

  10. The most I can come up with was some fast-draw champion came to our junior high school in 1967 or 1968 and demonstrated his pistol in the auditorium. What I remeber most is him blowing a hole in a beer can at 6 feet with a blank, as part of his lecture on gun safety and how blanks weren’t harmless. That bit alone would have saved the life of Jon-Erik Hexum, the actor who believed blanks were harmless.

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