Getting ready to make the left turn into our industrial park this morning, I find that the snow berm in the middle of the road is much too large to try to hop overt, even with a large 4 x 4, so I have to continue on, find a place to turn around and come back from the opposite direction. In so doing I come across a guy in a sedan with a handicapped tag in his window, and he’s hopelessly stuck in the cold, loose snow, with ice under it, at the edge of the road.
It turned out he’s driving for the handicapped person, and he’s a young, healthy guy. First problem; get a shovel and learn how to use it, Dude. Second Problem; he’s running street tires– great in the South on a hot, dry day, but worthless here in the winter.
I ask him; “Do you have a tow hook on this thing? I have a tow strap and I can pull you right out.”
Third problem; “I don’t know” he says, so I crawl down in the snow to look for one. Fourth Problem; his rig has a stupid f-ing air dam. It acts as a plow blade, working against his forward progress in the snow. Fifth problem; no tow hook– everything under the front end is plastic. So I tell him to back up some distance, get a run at it, and try to get up enough momentum to crash through the deep stuff and onto the road.
Sixth problem; I have to alert him to the fact that there’s a car coming on the road, and so wait a second, Skippy. We make a couple of tries at it, and it becomes obvious that he’s never done this before. “Stay in your old tracks each time and you’ll be able to get up more speed” I tell him.
“I can’t see my tracks.” Oh boy. He’s for sure never done this before. Ever heard of hanging your noggin out the window so you CAN see, if that’s what it takes? He keeps closing his window so I can’t communicate with him.
“Do you have tire chains?”
“Yeah, but they’re on so-and-so’s car over there…” Oh boy…
Then; “Thaaaanks!” comes the voice from the passenger seat. I’m in the middle of trying to explain how easy it would be, still and all, to get them out and on their way, and again; “Thaaanks!”
OK then. You’re welcome. Bye.
Not to brag, since it isn’t bragging if it’s true, but I’ve been in a freaking sedan in the freaking mountains on a freaking logging trail, with more snow than this. We used to do that sort of thing just for fun, because that was the sort of thing kids did– you go out and see just how far you can push it, then you go a little more, get stuck, and figure out how to get un-stuck and back 15 miles down the trail to a plowed road. In the dark. It made for some great adventures. So yeah; I know how to get this guy out, for a fact, even though he’s made no effort, and no pre-planning on his part.
The conditions are dangerous right here and now, but it’s still what I call Karmann-Ghia weather. A friend once had one of those rigs, and he’d drive that thing no matter what, because it was all he had. He made it work. If you can get around in a Karmann-Ghia with some modicum of planning and experience and some willingness to work a little when it’s required, I figure the roads are fine, they don’t need plowed, and there’s just no excuse.
But as it often happens, the most knowledgeable and capable person present is the very one you endeavor to ignore or actively try to get rid of.
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