The email I get

I’m a little bit at a loss for words on this. But I received the following email from someone tonight:

So, I’m looking at my upcoming birthday… My hope is to be done by as many men as I can handle. For me, this is probably between four and ten. And a lot of lube. I, of course, am clueless how to set this up.

I’m thinking it might be helpful to talk with another single female… Can you think of someone I could talk with?

Before you claim it’s joke or prank by some teenage boy, let me assure you it is not. I know her (barely) but she did hint at something like this the last time I talked to her. I’m a little surprised but it does so happen I know someone that might be able to give her some advice. After her birthday party I’ll send her another email and see how it went.


16 thoughts on “The email I get

  1. There is a normal response to such things, where morbid curiosity makes us want to let her go ahead and do this. Then there is the second thought, which should be, “How the heck do I get her to change her mind about doing this self-destructive idiocy?”

  2. Yeah wow. I’ve seen video by Pornographers just looking to make waves.

    There is is always a quantity of “too much of a good thing”.

    I feel really bad for the mindset that thinks this is a good idea….

    Hopefully whatever she decides ends up with her having a good time, and nobody getting hurt…

  3. Roberta,

    “No”, meaning, “I don’t want to read the follow up?” Or “No, I don’t believe it?” Or just “No, that isn’t for me?”


    You might be surprised at how many woman do this sort of thing on a regular basis without apparent harm. The woman I referred her to is one. She is taking a few months off from her extraordinarily active sex life to have her (and her fiancé’s) baby. I was talking to one woman’s husband who told me his wife typically has sex with about 15 different men each month. Many of those encounters are “group events”. Another woman that in demeanor and appearances you would say was most likely a grandmother who worked part time as a librarian frequently would have “small parties” with four or five men much younger than herself.

    See also this post I made several years ago.

  4. Yaknow, it never ceases to amaze me how many people firmly believe that just because they don’t like, don’t understand, or are not into a particular sexual practice; that said practice is somehow destructive or harmful etc…

    Anyway… for those who DON’T have extensive personal contacts, is can be a useful resource; and can direct you to more resources in your region.

  5. … the only thing going through my mind:

    Mal: Oh, I never did. Not what I pictured. Young. Must be rich, to afford your rates.
    Inara: I suppose. He has engaged me for several days.
    Mal: Days? Boy must have stamina.
    Inara: Mmm. He does.

  6. Just…No. As in, “Don’t.” That’s my advice. You fellows can dream all you like but IMO, that road’s ruination for most people and especially women.

    I wrote a long, introspective post with a lot of nifty background from my impoverished and misspent youth with sexworker roommates but it wouldn’t do any good to share; the reality of soulless predators in human form can’t hold a candle to the Penthouse Real Life Letters column.

    Instead, I’ll make it very, very simple: Social diseases are fatal now; mate with someone and you are humping everyone they’ve got jiggy with before, ever — and if they’ll join a train with you, how many others have they been in?

    Idiocy of the sort your young friend is planning ought not be illegal but I feel very free to frown on it.

  7. I have never talked to a sexworker (except for the phone interview with a porn star) so I cannot claim to have any data relevant to your specific claims. But I do know several women who have had hundreds of partners in their lifetime. Frequently they report having had 50 to 100 before leaving college. All of them are healthy and apparently happy with their lifestyle.

    Many have reported how unhappy and guilty they felt when they tried to be monogamous because they felt such a strong urge to have additional partners outside their primary relationship. One of these women was a psychologist who spent a lot of counseling with other experts and introspective time on the topic. She finally decided monogamy just wasn’t for everyone. It appears to be no different that the fact that heterosexuality isn’t for everyone.

    One woman reported to me about going through two divorces from “good men” because she just felt so oppressed and smothered even though the men were wonderful guys. It was the expectation that she never have sex with anyone else her entire life that she just couldn’t deal with. Counseling didn’t help. Her solution for many years was to be single. Now in her late fifties she married again because she wanted the security and companionship. Again it was with the expectation of a monogamous relationship. I talked to her a few months ago after being married for about three years and the “smothered” feeling was coming back so strong that she could barely deal with it and she was considering another divorce.

    I think these people would be better off accepting their nature, taking steps to make sex relatively safe, and having relationships where monogamy is not expected.

  8. I take that back. I have talked to one sexworker. I have to run right now, but I’ll report on that later today.

  9. Couple of issues are being conflated here, as they so often are — the question is not merely monogamy vs. multiple partners but also sex within an ongoing relationship or relationships vs. sex with strangers (or, if you prefer, autonomous meat vibrators). And it is the multiple-random-stranger-sex part that I find problematic. (If it worked so bloody well, how come it’s never been an aboveground part of any society? –Geez, the ancient Greeks even made intergenerational non-incestuous homosexuality do useful work but cruisin’ an’ trickin’, not so much. Is the local swingers club sponsorin’ a stretch of highway, maybe? Favorable mention in the “Around Town” column in the local paper? Bueller…?).

    –I have neither the desire nor the right to police what other folks choose to do along those lines, especially if they can do so without scaring the horses; but I think it’s a bad idea, especially if approached in a “heigh-ho, might as well give it a go” manner. That kind of thing can linger in memory for years and really mess a person up. And for what, a stunning orgasm? Why not get your brain wired and install an ON switch! That ain’t G-d in there, y’know and it’s about as transcendent as a hearty sneeze.

    OTOH, I am such a stunning success at mature adult relationships that the penultimate one I had left me after ten years still renting, driving a crummy car and in debt, having paid the rent and all utilities for both of us and bought the guy a nice car while putting off a vast number of things I wanted to do. Turned out what he wanted to do was boff younger women. So WTF do I know?

    Kids, if you’re old enough to not run afoul of Johnny Law, go screw your brains and souls out — and do not look for my help or sympathy when you find yourself brainless and soulless afterward. I even support your right to do so, just like I support your right to do drugs: some few can make it work and the other 80 – 90 percent will burn out on it; some of them will learn the hard way from the experience and rest will sink out of sight or die and either way, problem solved.

    That’s all I have to say; I’m not intending to debate because, hey, maybe all the folks arguing the other side are members of that minority who can make it work. Good for you; but IMO encouraging others to roll those dice is irresponsible. Are you planning to pick up the pieces if it doesn’t work, or will you just rinse off the ol’ Wang and head home? Tears, babies, night terrors, self-loathing — not your problem, hey? Just an innocently well-meaning participant?

    Heck, who knew it was even loaded?

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