Brady Campaign to Stop Car Violence

Speaking of the Brady Bunch… I found this entertaining. There is much more but this should be enough of a teaser:

The Race Car Ban of 2006 bans all compact cars with two or more of the following racing features:

Four valves per cylinder
Aerodynamic spoiler or wing that protrudes conspicuously above the trunk lid or rear deck
Air dam
Hood scoop
Chrome exhaust tip
Levitation lights

The Race Car Ban would also ban the following race cars by name:

Honda Civic (all models)
Subaru Impreza WRX
Mitsubushi Lancer (all models)
Honda S2000
Volvo S40
Mazda 3 and Protoge
Toyota Corolla
Scion (all models)
Saturn Ion
Bentley Speed 8
NHRA Top Fuel dragster
Caterpillar D9
Boeing 737
Airbus A380

In order to reassure car owners, the bill’s sponsors included a long list of non-race cars that are not affected by the legislation:

BMW 3-series
Cadillac CTS-V
Cadillac Escalade
Chevrolet Suburban and Tahoe
Ford Edsel
Ford Model T
Ford Mustang (without wing and spoiler)
Ford F-150
Hummer (all models)
Jeep Cherokee
John Deere Tractor
Kenworth T2000
Sopwith Camel

The bill also makes it a felony to own a car manufactured after Sept. 14th, 1994, that has a fuel capacity of more than ten U.S. gallons of fuel.


9 thoughts on “Brady Campaign to Stop Car Violence

  1. I see that my Mustang and F-150 are on the exempt list, so screw the rest of y’all. 😛

  2. Sean; Yeah, who actually NEEDS a sporty car anyway, unless they’re a yahoo or a criminal trying to flee police? ‘Course, the feds and police would have them. Politicians would be quoted saying, “Not one mother was prevented from picking her kids up from school.” etc..

    There have been reams of this sort of stuff written. Some showing how cars would be treated if they were as maligned as guns, and others showing how guns would be treated if they were as accepted as cars. Very good stuff. For example, practially every public school would offer a shooter’s education, or “shooter’s ed” program, with the schools providing pistols, rifles (both manual and automatic), ammo, and a shooting range. Everywhere you went, there would be public shooting ranges within easy access, maintained year ’round. NRA membership would get you free range-side gunsmithing and reduced hotel rates at the gun range.

  3. Cross posted at my place in an attempt to get Hendo’s attention

    My question to Hendo of the BATRC (Buearu of Alcohol Tobacco and Race Cars) is this: My non-listed 1984 Toyota Supra has both a factory front air dam and a conspicuously protuding dual wing on the rear hatch. The dam is integral to the front bumper and its removal would cause a safety issue with both the DOT and the NHTSC. Removal of the upper wing would leave a 1/2 inch diameter hole in the rear hatch glass from a support post that keeps the upper wing from collapsing at high velocity. What are my options to seal this opening without running afoul of these new regulations.

    Please supply two suggestions, since, as was the case with the old Buearu when it oversaw firearms, once I fulfill my obligations using the one which is completely reasonable, your office will then change their mind and arrest me, and I would just like to do the unreasonable one first to save you all the trouble of having to do so.

    Thanks you for your attention.

  4. Interesting that this should come up. Just recently in Prince George’s Co.,Md., a police officer, manning a roadblock was run over and killed by the driver of a stolen vehicle. This is turning into an interesting case, as the suspect was found dead in his cell in the county lockup. He was strangled. He was also in solitary confinement.

  5. Oh, crap. I didn’t read the fine print. My Mustang has a little rear “wing”.

    “Honestly, officer, I wanted to get one without the wing, but that would have been a special order. That insidious fleet manager tricked me into taking one with the wing that he found with his computer at another dealership.”

    I stand shoulder-to-shoulder with y’all in the fight against overreaching government.

  6. Does this mean that putting a fuel tank block in my modern V8 Dodge sports sedan would make it legal?

  7. Just remember: driving is a privilege.

    I think this is a “slippery slope” though. This is at the bottom.

    And keep this in mind when you reach the bottom of the slope: when it comes to cars, the citizen subject proceeds at his own peril. This violates the “… wing that protrudes conspicuously above the trunk lid …” restriction; it didn’t state horizontal only.

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