The Lewiston Pistol Club Gospel

The following was from the Google discussion group “Lewiston Pistol” discussing the next steel match–which happens to be scheduled for Christmas Eve. Numerous people contributed. With the names removed to protect the guilty:

As the scripture sayeth: Where 2 or 3 are gathered there shooting is also.

(Gospel of St. John Moses Browning Chapter 9 Verse 45)

I shall gather at the range with thee and we shall make joyful noises of gunfire and shall celebrate the goodness that St. JM Browning hath bestowed upon us.

Those that doth present unto the Range Officer a Glock shall be cast out for these are an abomination unto the eyes of holy men.

Yay I say unto you that you are correct and I shall hopefully be there with bells on.

And for those for whom there is a great wailing heard in the house let he say unto her “Get thee back to the kitchen woman and know thy place for I am man and I am required to worship this day at the cathedral of St. Browning.” and unto the male spawn of thy loins say unto them “go forth and fetch thine own range bag and pistol for thou shalt come and worship in the cathedral with thine father and learn the ways of men” and unto the female spawn of thy loins say unto them “thou are not yet forsaken from the cathedral of St. Browning and thou canst join thy father therein and worship in the proper manner for the order of St. Browning needeth more members of the fairer sex. Fear thee not the perverts that thou hast seen thy father associating with for they are harmless if thou be not a sheep. The choice be thine own.”

And Lo! the not-so-wise men were guided to that place by a great column of smoke; bringing with them gifts of lead, Hoppes #9, and Dickel. There they did make a joyful noise unto Heaven and St. John Cooper looked down upon them and saw that it was good. For though the not-so-wise men be rebuked and cast out upon the sofa in their dwelling places for a fortnight they were were blessed for their righteousness and suffered not the high primer until the end of their days. But them that feareth the wrath of their females and shooteth not woe unto them! For plauges were visited upon them: of misfires and rounds which squibbeth, and their lubrication abideth not in the crevices of their slides.

3 thoughts on “The Lewiston Pistol Club Gospel

  1. Though being not an expert in matters of the Gospel, I do partake thereof on occasion, and knoweth not do I the name of St. John Cooper. ‘Tis one St. Jeff Cooper, whose teachings I well knoweth and do accordingly cherish.

    Now the Left is sure we’re a bunch of religious nuts. Heh.

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