Samantha has a list of excuses for missing work. Pretty good stuff. Adding my favorites to the list:

• Sixty Minutes wants to interview me about my working conditions.
• The voices in my head told me today was a good day to stay home and clean my guns.
• I was up all night reloading ammunition.
• I was on America’s Most Wanted last night and I need to stay low for a while.
• My house is surrounded by a SWAT team.
• The ATF wants to see my explosives magazine (I always use vacation days, not sick days).
• A hundred people with guns from all over the world are showing up expecting me to give them explosives to shoot at and I don’t want to disappoint them.
• My wife is out of town so my girlfriend and her twin sister are spending the day in bed with me.

In case you didn’t know, I’ve never used the first five–I just thought they went well together and were sort of on topic with my interests.

I’ve never used the last one either. My social director (Barb) hasn’t been able to make the arrangements even though, for the last 30 years, she keeps saying, “Sure. I’ll work on that this weekend.”